day 1

so i was having a yummy bubble bath last week and when i soaped myself i found a lump in my right boob, it was a bit painful so went to the doctors yesterday .
a nice lady called Dr Gowda examined me at 10.30 and when i saw the colour drain from her face knew i wasn't imagining it, she calmly sat me down and said yes i can feel a lump and its quite large, was it relief was it panic was it terror i don't know but i burst into tears I remember her telling me its ok we will support you through this and something abt breast surgery and scans, i pulled myself together because believe it or not i cope with dramas, ive had a few in my life but im sure i will get to that lot later.anyway i walked through town , after all it was food shopping day and we had nothing in i bumped into an old friend who said i looked like a ghost i was so white, guess it had hit me more than i thought.
i did go food shopping and yet there was still nothing for tea, what can a girl do with a bag of tortillas a jar of olives and 4 bottles of wine?
i got a call at 20 past 1 it was the Dr saying she wanted me to be seen as soon as possible ..it had been less than 3 hours i was still trying to get my head around it and explain to paul, that wasnt easy because i still didn't know myself, i spent the night drinking my wine with leaky eyes ( i don't cry remember) and eating a jar of olives :-) my longest best friends sister visited it hurts to see them falling out and i WILL get them back on track anyway she came she had the funniest lighter i have ever seen its a toilet ..how apt, ( i may take a picture of it one day) we laughed we cried we even put the bloody world to rights it was the perfect distraction.
it was gone midnight when i realised it was bed time so off i went i think i managed abt 2 hours sleep and still woke up with leaking eyes.
that was my 1st 24 hours of being so scared and yet i know theres lots more 24 hours to come ...