day 2

so here i am day 2 , ive been productive ive got this blog up and running ( not bad for a technophobe) so i can rant
the hospital phoned first thing to tell me im booked in for next tuesday at 1 , i still dont know what is going to happen to me so ive arranged an appointment to go see my calm dr Gowder and ask her on friday
its so fucking quick.. is that good is that bad i really dont know, my eyes still leak and i feel physically sick not sure if thats worry, tiredness,wine or olives :-/
my longest best friend came (shes not my oldest after all shes younger than me :-) the one i mentioned who had a massive fall out with her sister and as always told me its nothing to worry about its gonna be fine but hugged me so tight when i said oh my god susie im shitting it ( reminder to take a picture of that lighter) she bought wine :-) she knows me better than anyone
i told 3 of my closest friends today not least because i need them to support paul so he can continue to support me i also told someone who ive never met that was kind of good because she doesnt know how i like tpo party lol
i need to say debbie turned up yesterday with wine and  being typically english a big pot of food lol ( i refuse to take sides)
my eyes are sore from the leaking and now im here on my own paul had a training thing to do i ned him to carry on ad normal he needs that structure so me the smurf and wine are all keeping each other company ..no olives though.
i have to decide soon do i tell my family and my kids including the ones i helped raise did i say i use to foster kids and take in every waif and stray im a nanna / momma T to many , yet was such a piece of shit to both of my own i was so bad back then but i was alone i had noone not even jenny ( thats my mother) she actually stood up in court to tell a judge give them to there fathers , and yert i still love her in my own way she used to tell me how shit her life was growing up but shes happy now with malc. do i email text call do i wait till i can look them in the eyes i dont think i can do the last one until i stop leaking, do i wait until im diagnosed and then have them screaming you should have told us sooner do i tell them now and worry them too? anyway im leaking again and ive ran out of wine lets see if i can sleep tonight?