sorry ive not been in touch i have had some days of denial and lots of alcohol, anyways i saw my calm \dr Gowda last friday who talked me threw whats happening tomorrow, my big brother checked out my hospital and surgeon its ironic he is called Mr Nijam he is Iraqi and was ttraind in baghdad ..reminder to self dont mention you love queen and country x my other consulatan is Miss Murphy pmsl named after my dog .. anyway i have company speak later x
BOO lol so here i am a few glasses of wine down thanks to debbie making mick bring me some ..thats another story lol , shes actually been great at keeping me occupied on fb today she seems a bit like me ..insecure and yet loving ..so tonight we moved the bedrooms around i need to keep busy , my murphy is oo confused but so am i so hey ho ..
today i found myself talking to god.well if there is one but i cried why then i got angry and said typical give me the crap then i got to ok what ever you have given me crap before ..talk abt confused . com lol
i found out over the weekend ( well jenny toldme ? ..has carl told her?) she had her heart attack 12 yrs ago on 3rd of feb ..my nans birthday :-) but also my D day..she started saying she never looked after me so i accidently cut her off ..let her have her denial its the only gift i can leave her..my kids dont wanna know me or her and i have no money lol
paul said he was gonna make me a valentines tea..then couldnt remember my favpourite pmsl but i did loose the plot with him ..how dare you not know me ...when im dead and they ask about me you will describe someone else...god i am a bitch maybe thats why? i told god i dont give a dam whatever happens he cant hurt me anymore why did he let norman do what he did why did he let jenny not believe me why do i always get hurt then i figured what the fuck im not gonna die because he just likes hurting me ..maybe im the devil ,,anyway
chin chin glass of wine the tea and another restless night .
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